Sticky McWoody

Guest blogger, Sparky McManus.

My friends know me for my collection and fascination with walking sticks. I've made them from branches that fall from our Eucalyptus trees, driftwood, and even a tree in Ed Moses' driveway. Affectionately they all receive the surname, "McWoody", but their first name is up for inspiration. For the last six years I have walked with Sticky McWoody in my hand. I have used it to hit innumerable walnuts, pine cones, rocks, etc. while walking the dog. Every year I'd give it a new coating of Minwax to protect the wood and keep it shiny. That alone should have been enough to say to people, "I am not some random stick lying around, I have a name and belong to someone!" But it wasn't. 

We made our way to the top of the grassy knoll in Elysian Park with a view of downtown and met up with a bunch of other dog owners. We sat down in the grass with Bee and let her play with the clover and palm tree seeds. Gradually we gravitated to the dog people and chatted with them. While engaging in this pleasant discourse with fellow Elysian Park walkers, some weirdo came up behind us and snatched Sticky from the ground where'd I'd left him to sun. We didn't notice Sticky missing until we set off about 20 minutes later - he tended to be on the quiet side. I was shocked and stunned beyond what was probably appropriate, but who steals a person's walking stick?! And what kind of freak lurks about in public parks waiting to do something like this? What do they live for? What are their hobbies? After much teeth gnashing, screaming, and a small amount of weeping, I let it go. Poor Sticky, after all these years, was in someone else's hands, possibly even riding in the trunk of their car... Worse, Sticky may have met a violent end in a hot fire. WTF!

Anyway, the next in line, a slender Eucalyptus branch from 2006, has been fashioned to accompany the dog and I on our walks. It shall never leave my sight in public as I no longer trust society's ability to keep its kook factor at large. (If I ever meet the knothole fornicator who took my stick I will beat him to a bloody Haggis and leave him to the crows.) This latest addition to my stick family has been named, "Dog Leg McWoody", I think you can reason why - and it will be up to the task of revenge should it ever be presented.