Sentimental Fool For Christ

I've decided not to throw away all of my old stuff. Instead, I sorted through it, kept some and tossed the rest. Some of the junk I tossed included old letters that weren't even addressed to me, but to Lew Wasserman. I'm not even sure why I kept them. Perhaps in order to line my little rat's nest. Or maybe because the letters were so damn nutty. You see, back in 1988 right before Martin Scorsese's film, "The Last Temptation of Christ" was released, I was hired by a friend of friend of a friend (who was a private detective) to sort through the bundles and bags and bags and bundles of mail that Wasserman was receiving. As chairman of MCA, Inc., the parent company of Universal Studios, which produced the film, he was the target they wanted to hit. Christians by the droves were sending him hate mail due to the fact that they assumed this movie would portray their much beloved Jesus in a bad light. The bizarre thing was that the movie hadn't even been released, so they had no idea what they were even hating on. (As we've seen with all Christian protests though, logic is rarely welcome.) These poor saps were told by their holy television and AM radio mullahs to send Wasserman letters to stop this blasphemous madness before it could begin. And did they try their damnedest!

Anyway, my job was to find any letters that contained actual death threats. But there were only a few letters that were violent crazy; most of them were just plain crazy. Some people even sent money, which made the job all that much sweeter. (I was confused by their "contributions" to halt the film's release, but Sparky thought they were conditioned to "tithe" money by their favorite televangelist. For them, stuffing small bills in letters had become a reflex.) Some sent bibles, rosaries, prayer cards, etc. And now, looking through the few letters that I've kept all these years I've found a common theme: "DON'T release this film and DO accept the Lord Jesus as your Savior and then you WON'T burn in hell for all eternity."

I didn't see the movie when it was first released, probably because after reading all of the hate mail I was already so over it. But I did finally see it a few years back and I remember thinking how weird Barbara Hershey's lips looked due to the fact that they were pumped chock full of collagen; and how wow, Jesus has a thing for Mary Magdalene. That's all I really remember. It did not strike me as a particularly blasphemous movie, just one showing the Christ Man as a human being, and not a god while he was alive on planet earth. What was the big deal?

Still, it was a great little part time gig while it lasted: I could do it from the comfort of my own home, make my own hours, and it paid $15 an hour (plus the occasional "tip" from the believers.) And any Miser has got to love that! (I am sooo going to hell...)